Fragile
by teenauthoremma
Summary: They were four broken souls fragile as a porcelain doll. Jenna is hiding self-harm, Leila, struggling with bulimia, Ashtyn just found out she's pregnant and Annalise's father has been abusing her for years. When they accidentally meet and secrets spill out they make the decision to stay strong and recover as they take it day by day they learn that there is nothing to be ashamed of.
1. Introduction!

**Hello! Before I post chapter one I just wanted to tell you a little bit about the story. This is the 38th book I wrote that I named 'Fragile', this book is honestly my pride and joy. It's my baby and what I'm most proud of. It's the story of four teenage girls Jenna, Leila, Ashtyn and Annalise who each hold a life changing secret and how they come together to save each others lives. Contains self-harm, suicide attempts, rape, teenage pregnancy, and eating disorders. This book saved my life and while writing it I just kept thinking if this book can help one person, everything I've been through is worth it! **


	2. Chapter 1- Jenna

_Chapter One_

For at least one girl going into high school is going to make her take her own life. For another one her teenage life is going to get taken when she becomes pregnant, at least one will stop eating to try to lose weight, but all of their lives will change. To some teenagers the popular girls are flawless, to them they are so fragile they will break with a judgmental stare from a peer. But little do they know everyone has a secret, and just some will change their lives forever.

_Jenna _

_Suicide is the third leading cause of death for 15 - 24 year olds (approx 5,000 young people) and the sixth leading cause of death for five - 15 year olds._

I heard the rock music blasting from my alarm clock which only meant one thing, I was still alive. Before I even opened my eyes salty tears started streaming down my cheeks. I could feel the stinging pain coming from my wrists. All last night I stayed awake cutting, I promised myself I would stop this habit! But of course I failed at that like everything else. The truth is I've been trying to kill myself since I was seven years old.

Although I wanted to just fall into a deep restful sleep and never wake up I still had school today, it was just like any other Monday in February. I lived in Los Angles California and was a senior in high school. My dream was to go to college in Denver, CO and be an ultrasound technician but I won't even make it to the end of the day never mind end of school.

I stood in front of the mirror after dragging myself out of bed just standing at ugly reflection, just how disgusting I look. Being only 5'1 my whole body was basically torso with short stumpy legs. My summer glow had started wearing off and even after curling my chestnut colored brown hair and putting it in a ponytail my round face still looks ugly. My parents Sofia and Bryson always tell me I have the prettiest brown eyes, cutest pug nose and most magnificent plump lips. But they say the exact same thing to my little sisters Arri and Braylee so what do they know. As I slowly started to get dressed I pulled my favorite skull tank top on and my many bracelets to cover the fresh scars. Sighing I walked away from the mirror the sun glistening on my hair bringing out the red highlights as I headed out of my room to face the traitorous day I was sure to come.

"Morning Jenna." My mom Sofia greeted as she busily placed some oatmeal in front of my seven year old sister Braylee.

"Hi Mom." I replied quietly sitting down next to my fifteen year old sister Arri trying to talk as little as possible.

"Jenna can you drive me to school? Mom has to work late." Arri inquired her blue eyes shining up at me as I picked up my spoon. I nodded looking back at my mom. She worked part time as a dental assistant and even know it was just a job to keep her busy it ruled her life. My dad's a lawyer and works all day and instead of being a stay at home mom Braylee goes to dance class after school because my mom _can't _pick her up. It interferes with her precious job. Which means I'm stuck driving Arri to school most days which is not a situation I protest upon.

"Are you hanging out with Ava and Harper after school?" Mom asked me as she put on her scrub top. Ava and Harper are two of my best friends who I've known since preschool, but they really weren't my friends. I'm just too scared to find new friends who may accept me. I'm always the odd girl out, all they care about is who's hooking up with who and who's dating who and blah blah blah. Who cares about that stuff? I have been depressed since I was 6 years old, do they know? Do they even ask? No! I come to school with cuts all up my arms but nobody seems to care. They say they're friends, but if they were friends they would have caught on a long time ago.

"No I want to come home after school." I replied starting to eat my breakfast. There were so many other seniors who seemed nice but none of them like me, I don't blame them. There is this girl in my biology class named Leila Nelson, she is the most beautiful girl in 12th grade. She has the most gorgeous blonde hair and is the most petite skinny thing. And I see her eating so much in the cafeteria! It's like the food evaporates in her mouth. It makes me realize how many things are really wrong with me.

"Jen you better get going." My mom piped up as she washed off Braylee's dish.

"I'm going." I replied somberly getting up to grab my book bag as I walked to the door.

I've been trying to kill myself for nearly ten years and I have not told one soul. My own parents don't even know, they don't even suspect it. That makes me feel so unloved I can't even express it. I mean how can you not know your own child is trying to kill themself? I just don't understand, this is their baby. The child the created and they don't know that they're trying to escape their life.

As I drove up to school I could feel a large knot starting to form in my throat. Every day it was the same thing. Whenever I see a school I start to feel a panic attack coming on. My hands had already started sweating and feeling tingly and my throat was already starting to feel like it's about to close. Some days the panic attacks get so bad I even start shaking. The only way to make them better, is cutting. I carry a tiny pocket knife in my book bag so I can cut during school without anyone knowing. I can't get through the day without it, that is what my life had come to. I spend more than 75% of my day in tears. I feel like I'm slowly slipping away.

As I walked into school I saw Ava and Harper heading towards me.

"Jenna did you hear what happened?" Ava cried linking my arm and pulling me towards my locker. I rolled my eyes as Harper started talking. All I could hear was "boy" "girl" "cheat" and "sex" I mean why do people care so much? I wish all these kids would grow the fuck up. I tried desperately to tune them out as they blabbered on, all I could think about was killing myself. Do they know that talking about boys all the time actually hurts me? Because I will _never _have a boyfriend. I mean who would love a girl who cuts themselves?

I made it the first four classes of the day without any sort of cutting. But by math I was unable to keep my emotions in check. As the teacher rambled on about geometry I pulled out my hot pink notebook and began sketching a rough draft of my suicide note.

"_I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. Life sucks, I have nothing to live for, no one to live for, no one who cares. Nobody gives a shit if I die so I might as well. I'm a burden, I'm ugly, I'm a mistake, I'm a problem. I keep screwing up everybody else's life. I need to go, I want to kill myself I want to kill myself. I deserve to go to hell I am a terrible human I never deserved to be born. People say they care but…nobody does! I'll see them all again on the other side. Nobody here loves me, nobody here wants me. If anybody cared they'd show it. I have been wanting to do this since I was 7 years old. If I die, I'll never have to feel this pain anymore, I'll never have to feel fat anymore, I'll be able to eat and not feel guilty. I'll be able to have friends, REAL friends. All I want is to be loved, all I want is for someone to say "I love you, you will be okay" But nobody cares, no one at all. I'll meet many people like me, I'll meet people who actually love me. There are many people who will welcome me, I won't be alone. And the world will be a better place cause I won't be in it._

_See you on the other side, xoxoxo_

_Jenna Brooklyn Collins"_

The note took me all of math. By the time I knew it I was sitting at lunch with Ava, Harper and a few -more friends re-reading it. I have to admit, writing this made me feel a lot better. I don't think I like it enough to use as my actual one but I like it for now. "You're so quiet Jen! What's wrong with you?" Ava laughed pulling at my arm softly shaking it.  
"I'm fine." I whispered tucking my note deep into my book bag. I don't want anyone to know my plan, if nobody figured out I wanted to kill myself for 10 years they don't deserve to know. Also I know what they would say! "Oh I knew Jenna would end up killing herself?" "She's an attention seeker." Most of all I think everybody would think I'm all talk. Like I'm too scared to actually go through with it. You think I'm scared? Here pull the trigger.

It felt like hours have gone by but I was still sitting at this lunch table with all this chatter going on around me, and I felt completely alone. The world just seemed to blur around me I couldn't stop it, all I could do was cut. I couldn't take this anymore I needed to cut.

"Where are you going?" Harper questioned as I stood clutching my book bag.

"Bathroom." I replied quickly hurrying out of the cafeteria my ponytail bouncing behind me.

Slowly I walked into the bathroom and headed into the stall closest to the window. I usually cut in there every day. Closing the flimsy door behind me I hung my book-bag on the back of the door. I knelt down on my knees settling my wrist on the toilet seat so if any blood would fall, it would fall in there and not on the floor. Slowly I pulled out my pocket knife. It was a hardwood colored and had my initials on it, JBC. I slowly pulled the knife closer to my wrist the blade settling to my flesh as I carefully cut down. I felt the ache of relief as a trickle of deep crimson colored blood oozed out of my arm as I continued to cut deeper and deeper. I felt all the anxiety and sadness leave my body as I sunk the knife deeper and deeper into my flesh. The blood continued to trickle down my arm as I applied more and more pressure to the knife. Then suddenly the room started spinning then went blank.


End file.
